$5 Million Offer - Deadline Extended

Good news, reality TV fans. The recent Hurricane disrupted Donald Trump’s self promotion campaign. Mainstream media apparently found Hurricane Sandy to be much more newsworthy than New York’s resident windbag.

So, Mr. Trump reacted as only his extraordinary ego could; He announced that he was extending his five million dollar offer to President Obama for one more day. The offer had been set to expire at 5 PM on Wednesday.

Reality TV star, Ms. Honey Boo Boo, who is currently locked in a bitter ratings battle with Donald Trump, was quick to react to Mr. Trump’s latest attempt at self aggrandizement. She held a press conference where she announced that she would not offer Mitt Romney a similar extension to collect on her ten million dollar offer to him.

She explained, “Like most loudmouthed insecure businessmen today, Donny Trump doesn’t like uncertainty. And, he doesn’t like losing. The only reason he offered President Obama five million dollars for documents proving that he was born in Kenya, was that the offer provided some much needed publicity for Donny’s fading career. Donny knew he wouldn’t have to pay out. He knew that President Obama would never fabricate documents just to take Donny’s money.”

“On the other hand, my offer of ten million dollars for Mitt Romney to release at least ten years of tax returns by 5 PM Wednesday is quite legitimate. My money is at risk, as the documents I’m seeking actually exist. I believe that the American public should be able to see Governor Romney’s tax returns. We know he has a bad habit of pandering to one group after another while trying to get elected. How can he expect us to put our faith in him if he’s unwilling to be honest with us? Allowing us to see his tax returns would be a step in the right direction.

Under questioning by reporters, Ms. Honey Boo Boo did admit that she does not expect to pay anything to Governor Romney. “Once a wealthy, pompous, businessman, such as Mr. Romney makes a decision – in this case a decision to not to release his tax returns – he’ll stick with it, no matter what it costs. Changing his mind, and admitting he was wrong, is viewed to be a sign of weakness. So, I really don’t expect Mr. Romney to release his tax returns.”

She further admitted that she hedged her risk through a ten million dollar wager with her manager. Her manager believes that Governor Romney has declined to release his tax returns because there’s something really embarrassing in them. “My manager believes that Mitt Romney mistakenly invested in a chain of ‘One Child Left Behind’ clinics in China, thinking that they were somehow related to President Bush’s ‘No Child Left Behind’ initiative. Only later did he discover that the clinics provided abortion services to support China’s ‘one family, one child’ rule.”

“I bet my manager that no such damaging evidence would be found in Mr. Romney’s tax returns. I figure that a smart, secretive, businessman such as Mr. Romney would never leave such embarrassing direct evidence visible in his returns. He would surely have created an offshore shell company to hold such investments for him, allowing him to “launder” the money he received through it.”

“I don’t expect Mitt Romney to release his tax returns. And, even if he does, my wager with my manager should cover me. But, if not, I’ll pay off both bets and write off the $20 million cost as a ‘promotional expense.’”

“Either way, it should provide a major boost to my ratings. Take that, Donny Trump.”

Unbelievable $10 Million Offer

I just heard that a new, up and coming, “reality” TV show star, I think they called her “Baby Boo Boo,” just offered to donate ten million dollars to Governor Mitt Romney’s favorite charity if he will:

“Release at least 10 years of his tax filings, amended tax filings, and copies of all correspondence with the IRS regarding those returns, by 5 PM on Wednesday, October 31, 2012.”

Wow. I know that most reality TV stars are idiots, albeit amply paid idiots, but what was “Baby Boo Boo” thinking?

Governor Romney would never be swayed by a mere ten million dollar offer. He has repeatedly stated that such records are “none of the American people’s damn business.” Apparently, they represent his business “trade-secrets” and releasing them would be like the Coca-Cola Company releasing its formula for Coke.

Besides, “average Americans just aren’t capable of understanding his tax returns.” The rules really are very different for very wealthy Americans. “Less affluent people, commonly referred to as the 98%, give us copies of their tax returns, their bank account statements, and their Facebook passwords, along with anything else we request, so that we can know who we’re dealing with. That’s the way it works; not the other way around – that’s backward.”

Baby Boo Boo should know that. The Governor has spoken. Discussion over. No tax returns. And, it was a courageous decision, according to every Fox News "contributor" who insisted on commenting (at great length).

Still, I can understand why Baby Boo Boo made such an outrageous mistake. She’s locked in a bitter ratings battle with the aging “reality” TV star, Donald Trump.

Just a day or two earlier, with massive media coverage (I understand that Fox News spent some sixteen hours breathlessly covering his “Big Announcement”), Mr. Trump had offered his own challenge to President Obama. He offered to donate five million dollars to President Obama’s favorite charity if, by 5 PM on Wednesday, October 31, 2012, President Obama will:

“Release copies of all his college applications, college records, passport applications, passport records, dog license applications with complete vet records, receipts for all his law school text books, his grade-school report cards, at least 30 years of certified dental exam records, and copies of all electric bills that he – or his mother – personally paid since he was first born in Kenya.”

Quite a list, isn’t it (I never would have believed that Donald Trump could be so subtle).

So, “reality show” fans, regardless of which “star” you like best, the newcomer Honey Boo Boo, or the aging, falling star, Donald Trump, which list - if compiled and released - would provide the best information to the American people?

Actually, that’s a trick question. While Governor Romney could easily release his tax returns if he wanted to; it’s impossible for President Obama to release records which don’t exist.

But, really; Why are we more interested in unreal “reality” show stars than we are in finding ways to work together to secure the best future for ourselves, and the generations to come?