Good news, reality TV fans. The recent Hurricane disrupted
Donald Trump’s self promotion campaign. Mainstream media apparently found
Hurricane Sandy to be much more newsworthy than New York’s resident windbag.
So, Mr. Trump reacted as only his extraordinary ego could; He
announced that he was extending his five million dollar offer to President
Obama for one more day. The offer had been set to expire at 5 PM on Wednesday.
Reality TV star, Ms. Honey Boo Boo, who is currently locked
in a bitter ratings battle with Donald Trump, was quick to react to Mr. Trump’s
latest attempt at self aggrandizement. She held a press conference where she
announced that she would not offer Mitt Romney a similar extension to collect on
her ten million dollar offer to him.
She explained, “Like most loudmouthed insecure businessmen today,
Donny Trump doesn’t like uncertainty. And, he doesn’t like losing. The only
reason he offered President Obama five million dollars for documents proving
that he was born in Kenya, was that the offer provided some much needed
publicity for Donny’s fading career. Donny knew he wouldn’t have to pay out. He
knew that President Obama would never fabricate documents just to take Donny’s
money.”
“On the other hand, my offer of ten million dollars for Mitt
Romney to release at least ten years of tax returns by 5 PM Wednesday is
quite legitimate. My money is at risk, as the documents I’m seeking actually exist. I
believe that the American public should be able to see Governor Romney’s tax
returns. We know he has a bad habit of pandering to one group after another while trying to get elected. How can he expect us to put our faith in him if he’s
unwilling to be honest with us? Allowing us to see his tax returns would be a
step in the right direction.
Under questioning by reporters, Ms. Honey Boo Boo did admit
that she does not expect to pay anything to Governor Romney. “Once a wealthy, pompous,
businessman, such as Mr. Romney makes a decision – in this case a decision to not
to release his tax returns – he’ll stick with it, no matter what it costs.
Changing his mind, and admitting he was wrong, is viewed to be a sign of
weakness. So, I really don’t expect Mr. Romney to release his tax returns.”
She further admitted that she hedged her risk through a ten
million dollar wager with her manager. Her manager believes that Governor
Romney has declined to release his tax returns because there’s something really
embarrassing in them. “My manager believes that Mitt Romney mistakenly invested
in a chain of ‘One Child Left Behind’ clinics in China, thinking that they were
somehow related to President Bush’s ‘No Child Left Behind’ initiative. Only
later did he discover that the clinics provided abortion services to support
China’s ‘one family, one child’ rule.”
“I bet my manager that no such damaging evidence would be
found in Mr. Romney’s tax returns. I figure that a smart, secretive, businessman
such as Mr. Romney would never leave such embarrassing direct evidence visible
in his returns. He would surely have created an offshore shell company to
hold such investments for him, allowing him to “launder” the money he received through it.”
“I don’t expect Mitt Romney to release his tax returns. And,
even if he does, my wager with my manager should cover me. But, if not, I’ll
pay off both bets and write off the $20 million cost as a ‘promotional expense.’”
“Either way, it should provide a major boost to my ratings. Take
that, Donny Trump.”
No comments:
Post a Comment